


I Missed Your Skin When You Were East

by rrKhan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Dark Steve Rogers, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra Steve Rogers, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Steve Rogers, Morally Grey Steve Rogers, Multiverse, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rrKhan/pseuds/rrKhan
Summary: Steve Rogers won't live in a world without Tony Stark.He won't.~*~*~*~*~Steve Rogers doesn't trust himself. Well, nothimself, but the other him.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 20
Kudos: 176





	1. You Were All I've Ever Known

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Corrupt and the Pure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230549) by [Del_Rion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Del_Rion/pseuds/Del_Rion). 



When Steve Rogers woke up one sunny morning, the first thing he saw was Tony Stark’s sleeping face. Steve was on his back with Tony draped over his torso, his head resting on Steve’s shoulder. Steve took a moment to take in the beauty of his lover, the warmth of affection spreading within him. Tony looked absolutely serene in his sleep. His curls were tousled messily, in a way Tony usually does purposefully, but this was instead due to the brunette’s tossing and turning in sleep and their activities from the night before. His long eyelashes rested on his cheekbones, his pink lips pursed in sleep. Steve was in awe. How was such a beautiful, amazing man with someone like him?

He wondered what Tony’s fellow Avengers would think of their relationship, wondered if any of them already knew. (He doubted it.) They would likely be shocked, possibly even angry. It would be unlikely that they would understand. Steve didn’t understand. (And maybe Tony didn’t either). Steve already knew what his superiors would think of the relationship and what they would do because of it, which is why he had to make sure they never found out. (If they found out Steve would get _the chair_ and he would lose _everything_. He couldn’t let that happen under _any_ circumstance.)

“Tony,” Steve whispered, not really wanting to wake his lover up but knowing he had no other choice, “Tony, you have to let me up. I have to go.”

Tony’s arms tightened around Steve’s waist. Steve could easily slip out of it with his superior strength, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hurt Tony like that. Not like this. “No you don’t,” Tony said sleepily.

Steve chuckled. “Yes, I do. I have a mission.”

The grip on Steve’s waist instantly loosened and the weight on his chest listed. Steve’s heart sank even if he knew that this was what he asked for because he knew what would come. Tony had pushed himself onto his elbows; his eyes were wide open now, and he looked up at Steve earnestly. “No, you don’t Steve. You don’t have to go back to them.”

With Tony no longer on top of him, Steve pushed himself off the bed and headed towards the bathroom. “You know I have to Tony.” Though his back was to his lover, Steve could feel Tony’s face twist into an ugly grimace. He hated this. He hated that the fight this would likely lead to. He hated that he couldn’t listen to Tony. That he couldn’t just stay like both he and his lover wanted. He hated that he had to leave and do horrible things that Tony would just resent him for. Steve especially hated himself, for doing this to Tony and still always coming back.

“Fine,” Tony gritted his teeth, “Have it your way, _Commander_. But if you leave, don’t come back again.”

“That’s what you always say,” Steve said calmly before he closed the door behind him, though his rapidly beating heart betrayed the emotions he was trying to externally display. Tony said it every time they fought like this. And it still broke his heart every time. Because this time it could be true. This time he could mean it. Steve knew, because of who he was, because of who he was made to be, every moment with Tony could be his last.

Steve didn’t know how he could get Tony to understand. He was no longer Captain America, hero and martyr of World War II. He was Commander Rogers, one of HYDRA’s best assets.

Commander Rogers and Iron Man have been fighting each other for almost a decade now, since near the beginning of the Avenger’s conception. Steve wasn’t quite sure how trying to kill each other became falling into bed with one another, but he was damn glad it did. It was the best thing that ever happened to him. _Tony_ was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Steve was damn well lucky HYDRA hadn’t given him the chair in the past two years, and he wasn’t going to risk that in any way. He wasn’t going to risk losing the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Even if Tony decided to leave him, to end whatever it was that they were, he would still have the memories, and maybe that would be enough.

Because Steve knows HYDRA, he knows he would never be able to escape. HYDRA will find him. They always find him. No matter what he does or where he goes, they always get him back, wipe him, and it was like it never happened. Short of going to another planet, there was no way he could break free, and Steve would even put space travel past them. No one leaves HYDRA unless it’s with a bullet between their eyes.

Once he finished with his shower and the rest of his morning routine, Steve exited the bathroom, hoping some of his lover’s anger had subsided in the last twenty minutes, but knowing that Tony was probably sitting cross-legged on the bed, eyes burning with fury, raring to go. That’s not what Steve saw. What Steve saw instead made his heart drop into the pits of his stomach; he was not nearly ready for the sight that assaulted his eyes. Tony, with his eyes wide open and his mouth ajar, laid unmoving on the bloodstained sheets with Bucky Barnes standing over him with a bloody dagger. 

In a split second, Steve slammed the Winter Soldier against the wall, one hand wrapped around his throat, lifting him off the ground. Barnes seemed unaffected, nonchalant, even though Steve was cutting off his airflow. “What have you done?” Steve growled, “Who sent you?”

Barnes flashed Steve a vicious smile, even as he was visibly struggling to breathe, “No one sent me. You were getting distracted. This nuisance needed to be eliminated.”

Barnes did this on his own. HYDRA didn’t send him. Barnes took _Tony_ away from him. Steve saw nothing but red. He wouldn’t get away with this. In one quick motion, he let go of Barnes’s throat, grabbed the dagger, and slashed his former best friend’s throat. Killing Barnes the same way Barnes had killed Tony. The Winter Soldier never stood a chance.

Steve turned away from the body of Bucky Barnes to look at his lover’s corpse, dropping the bloody dagger on the ground next to it. Leaning down, he reached his hand out to close Tony’s eyes and mouth. Unsure of what else to do, Steve sat on the edge of the bed and took Tony’s hand. It was still warm. He gave it a squeeze, willing it to squeeze back. It didn’t. Steve sat there holding his dead lover’s hand with silent tears streaming down his face for as long as it took for Tony to grow cold, for as long as it took for it to really sink in that Tony was dead. Steve always knew there was a possibility that he would lose Tony like this, to death. It’s a hazard of their like of work (not that they exactly had the same line of work), but that didn’t stop it from causing Steve the worst pain he ever felt. 

It was worse because Steve could’ve stopped this. He was only a few feet away. If he had just heard. If he had just taken his time to get in the shower. If he had just laid with Tony content in bed for just a little bit longer. _Steve could’ve saved Tony._

How was he supposed to live in a world without Tony Stark?

Steve pressed one last kiss to Tony’s cold hand before pushing himself off the bed. “I can’t live without you,” Steve sighed as he continued to stare at Tony, “and I won’t.” After sending one last glance Tony’s way, Steve turned around and sauntered out of the room and out of the house, knowing what he had to do next. 

He had a mission. _Get Tony Stark back._

Letting his anger and despair fuel him, Steve made his way to the Avengers Headquarters. Though he was currently in Manhattan and the Avengers Headquarters was in upstate New York, he made it in record time on his motorcycle. It wasn’t exactly like Steve was an upstanding citizen of the law and he wasn’t going to start now. Once he got about half a mile from the building, Steve stopped and got off his bike. He was going to make the rest of the way there on foot. He couldn’t risk them figuring out he was on his way. Steve then took out the phone he swiped from Tony’s room and made a call.

“What’s up, Tony? I thought you were going to go into blackout mode to work on an SI project.” Steve recognized the voice as The Wasp. Janet Van Dyne.

“This is Commander Rogers speaking.”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence coming from the other line. Steve waited. “How do you have Tony’s phone? What have you done to him?” Van Dyne screeched.

“Nothing, Wasp,” Steve said calmly as The Wasp continued to scream at him through the phone, “I have not done anything to Iron Man, but I would still check on him if I were you.”

“What’s happened to Tony?” Janet yelled once more.

“You’ll have to go to the Tower and find out for yourself.” With that, Steve disconnected the call and crushed the phone in his hand, letting the pieces fall to the ground as he continued to make his way to the Headquarters building. He no longer had use for it and he didn’t want the Avengers to be able to track him with it.

Just as he expected, the Avengers Quinjet flew overhead, heading to the place he had just come from. As he was sure all the Avengers would go to their teammate and friend’s aid, Steve came to the conclusion that the Headquarters would likely be empty, leaving him to complete his mission in peace with no obstacles.

Once he finally reached the building, Steve stood outside for a moment. It was just so _Tony._ God, he missed him. “JARVIS,” Steve called out as he entered the Avengers Headquarters, “Where is the Tesseract kept?”

“I’m afraid Commander Rogers that you do not have the security clearance necessary to access that information and that I must inform the Avengers of your arrival,” JARVIS said coolly. Steve knew that JARVIS never liked him. He could nearly hear the disapproval in the AI’s voice every time Tony brought him home, though he never once made such disapproval clear.

“Override alpha-pizza-theta-Tesla-Jones. Tell me where the Tesseract is,” Steve nearly screamed, a dangerous undertone to his voice. Steve had known keeping a close ear while Tony spoke to JARVIS would be of use to him someday. Nothing would stop Steve from getting Tony back, not even Tony’s own creation.

“The Tesseract is located in the lab storage room on the 82nd floor.” If the AI had teeth to grind, the HYDRA operative was sure that JARVIS would’ve been doing just that. Steve didn’t care. _He just wanted Tony._

Steve quickly made his way to the 82nd floor, knowing that he had to get this done before the override wore off and JARVIS informed the Avengers of his presence. He made his way down to the storage room on the 82nd floor and immediately located the Tesseract. How could you mistake a large, glowing, blue cube like that?

Steve then punched the glass barrier that surrounded the Tesseract. The bulletproof glass was no match for super-soldier strength and shattered onto the floor. Steve ignored the bleedings cuts on his hand as the alarms sounded and bright red lights flashed. He knew that he only had a few moments before the Avengers were informed and they started making their way back.

He grabbed the extraterrestrial object, and for a second he was unsure of what to do. How was he supposed to use this? He knew that this was the only thing that could possibly help bring Tony back into his life, but how? Steve did the only he could do possibly do in his desperation.

“I know what you can do,” Steve almost pleaded to the Tesseract, “I know the power you hold. Please bring me back to him. I just want him back.”

And before Steve knew it, the Tesseract glowed immensely bright, blinding him and engulfing the room in a blue light that eclipsed the light of the alarms.

One second he was there and the next second he was gone.


	2. You Got Me Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tesseract takes Alt!Steve (making that distinction now so it doesn't get confusing) to Manhattan. 
> 
> Yes this chapter title is (part) of a Panic! At The Disco lyric. All the chapters will be unless I'm hard-pressed to find something that doesn't fit, which why would there be? There's a whole bunch of crazy shit it P!ATD songs. 
> 
> Work Title is from Northern Downpour  
> Chapter 1 Title is from Memories  
> Chapter 2 Title is from Ready to Go

When Steve could finally see again, he immediately noticed the change in his surroundings. He was in an alley in the middle of Manhattan, a couple of hundred miles from the middle-of-nowhere, upstate New York the Avengers Headquarters was located, but it was more than just the change in location that confused Steve. The Manhattan that he was in did not match the Manhattan that Steve remembered.

Sure, it looked and felt like Manhattan. The streets were noisy and bustling. One could see the city brimming with enormous buildings. People were hurrying down the street quickly, everyone having someone to see or somewhere to go. Cars were honking, in response to the vast traffic that perpetuated New York. It was definitely Manhattan. But at the same time, it _wasn’t_.

Steve had “landed” behind a building on E 84th Street and 3rd Avenue, an alley Steve knew quite intimately. It was where Tony’s favorite bakery was located, where Steve would pick up Tony’s favorite sweets (lemon raspberry cookies and red velvet cupcakes) to butter his lover up after a particularly bad fight about Steve’s situation. It was an alley where they would have quick and dirty sex after the Commander had encounters with the Avengers, that was if Tony could slip away from his teammates.

On _this_ corner of E 84th Street and 3rd Avenue, however, a Starbucks stood where his beloved bakery was supposed to be. (God, a _Starbucks_. Steve was already sure he wasn’t going to like this world.) There were other little things about the area he landed in, about Manhattan as a whole, that didn’t match Steve’s memory: the McDonalds down the block was instead a Shake Shack, the smoke shop that was supposed to be a Japanese restaurant two streets away, apartment complexes that were office buildings and vice versa. The biggest change of all, however, was the tall building in the middle of the Manhattan skyline. It was still the same eyesore that Steve had grown familiar of, yet it was missing something significant. It was missing the big, bold letters along its side that spell out the name of its owner; in its place a single bold letter “A” that Steve knew all too well.

This was not his world, Steve was sure of it. But he was here now, so he was going to make the most of it. He trusted the power of the Tesseract, the power HYDRA fought for decades to acquire. This would lead him to Tony. He was sure of that too. So Steve did what he always did on a mission in an unknown location: gather intel. As his objective is to acquire Tony Stark, he went to go find as much about this world’s Tony Stark as possible.

After hours of research at the closest library that Steve could find, he found that the Tony here was quite similar to his Tony. Just like his Tony, the Tony here lived a carefree lifestyle up until he was kidnapped in Afghanistan, where he got his arc reactor and turned his life around. The sudden death of Obadiah Stane that was reported to be due to a “plane crash” likely indicated that Stane had tried to kill Tony in this world too. There was some partying that came after Afghanistan, but the abrupt end of it also points towards the palladium poisoning that Tony thought would kill him. Just like his Tony, this Tony was willing to sacrifice his life to save everyone else by taking that nuke into the wormhole during the Battle of New York. There were some differences, though. This Tony had faced some villains like Vanko and the Mandarin that his Tony had not. His Tony had also faced villains that this Tony had not, like the Taskmaster and Doctor Doom. It also seemed as though this world wasn’t quite as progressed as his world, around 5 to 10 years behind.

The Avengers were also different here. Their existence is only first noted about 3 years ago at the Battle of New York, a stark contrast to the decade that the Avengers were active in his world. (Steve noted the advantage; the Avengers Initiative here was a fledgling compared to the one he has faced off against.) There was no Janet Van Dyne or Hank Pym on the team, although they did exist in this world, but were much, much older, seemingly in the same generation as Howard Stark (apparently in this world, Stark and Pym had a fierce rivalry). The Avengers team still had a Bruce Banner that became a mean, green rage monster and other-worldly prince Thor. The biggest difference, the one that shocked him to his core, was that a version of Steve Rogers, as Captain America, was an Avenger. Apparently in this world, he had been thawed out later and by SHIELD instead of HYDRA. Steve couldn’t help but chuckle darkly at that, if only he had been so lucky. Well, maybe not so lucky. The dump of SHIELD information on the Internet, though some of it seems to be missing and more and more keeps disappearing (likely the work of JARVIS), clearly shows that HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD a long time ago, another very big difference between this world and the world Steve belonged to.

It didn’t seem like the Steve Rogers and the Tony Stark of this world were romantically involved, unless it was hidden from the press, which doesn’t seem likely as it was reported that Tony had just gotten out of a long-term relationship with his CEO. Steve wasn’t so much relieved at this as he was just glad that there would be fewer obstacles between him and Tony, as he would have no qualms about eliminating the Steve Rogers of this world or anyone else to get to his Tony.

Because that was just it. The Tony here was _his_ Tony. There were enough similarities between the two Tony Starks that he could come to this conclusion. In fact, any version of Tony Stark is a Tony Stark that Steve Rogers could love, would love. In any world, any universe, Tony Stark belonged to Steve Rogers. The Tesseract had given him a second chance to live his life out with the love of his life. And he was going to take it and never let it go. He wasn’t going to waste his chance. Now he just needed a plan to make Tony his.

Steve knew that he couldn’t just barge into Stark, or rather Avengers, Tower and haul Tony away over his shoulder like a caveman. As much as Steve would like to grab Tony at this very moment and take him away from the Avengers, from Captain America, from the rest of the world, he couldn’t do that. Tony would hate that, and it would just make the genius resent him. Tony would never truly be his if he forced him away. No, Steve had to coax Tony away. He had to get into Tony’s good graces and slowly win him over before he could whisk Tony away from the rest of the world so they could live their lives together without anyone interfering, not HYDRA, not Bucky Barnes, not the Avengers, and definitely not Steve’s counterpart.

The first thing that Steve must do to start earning Tony’s trust is to be completely honest with Tony. It was a risk, but a calculated one. It was unlikely that the Tony Stark of this world would like the fact that Steve was a HYDRA asset anymore than the Tony Stark of his world did. In fact, Tony wouldn’t trust him at first. He would probably lock Steve up, given the immense threat that a Steve Rogers controlled by HYDRA could be. But Steve could wait that out. He would play up the trauma of a tortured super-soldier, the very real guilt that Steve did have over not leaving HYDRA soon enough. He would be “remorseful” of his crimes, blame the years of brainwashing. He would play into the abandonment issues and immense desire to be loved that any Tony Stark would have and Steve wouldn’t even have to play that part up because his love for Tony was _infinite_. Obviously, Steve wouldn’t tell Tony everything he has planned for him, but he has to at least tell Tony the truth of who he is because Tony is smart and Tony would figure out that Steve is lying, so he would have to keep his lying to a minimum. But first, he has to see Tony.

Steve decided that he would go the direct approach. He would go to the Tower, straight up to Tony’s penthouse, or more likely rather Tony’s workshop. Either they would think he was Captain America and let him through because of that, or if Tony knows where the Steve Rogers of this world is, then Tony would simply let him in out of curiosity and to assess a possible threat. And if that doesn’t work, Steve has something of a risky trick up his sleeve.

Steve finally left the library and started making his way to the large, ugly building on the horizon that was the pride and joy of the love of his life. He knew that he should probably take some more time to do some recon. On a normal mission, he would usually spend at least two days gathering information on his target, not just a couple of hours’ worth of Internet searching. But this wasn’t a normal mission, and Steve didn’t know how much longer he could go without Tony Stark in his life, especially knowing just how close he was. He wanted Tony now. Steve couldn’t wait another two days, one day, an hour, or even a minute.

Knowing how recognizable he was due to his counterpart being a famous public figure, Steve couldn’t exactly walk around the streets of Manhattan, and especially not the subway, undetected. It was a miracle that he hadn’t gotten recognized already, and he had no idea how that was the case. The last thing he needed was the Internet blowing up with “Steve Rogers spotted in the Upper East Side,” alerting either Tony or Captain America and the Avengers to his presence before Steve made his way to the Tower.

He stopped by the local smoke shop, browsing through the store before buying an “I Love NY” baseball cap and large, tinted sunglasses that reminded him of Tony, leaving him with just enough money for a subway ride. It wasn’t a perfect disguise, but Steve hoped that despite his large size, he passed enough as a tourist, glad that he wore jeans and a slightly loose-fitting T-shirt instead of tactical gear.

Luckily, no one on the subway seemed to recognize him, and if they did, they at least decided not to make a fuss about Captain America being on the same train as them. He didn’t even notice anyone trying to secretly record or take photos of him, on the subway or while he was walking on the streets (and he _would_ have noticed). For once, Steve was glad for the insanity of New York City, one that allowed for insanely popular public figures to just exist without anyone blinking an eye.

Steve was tense with anticipation the whole subway ride there. It was a short ride, just one quick stretch on the 5 train from 86th Street to Grand Central. But Steve was still tense with anticipation. Maybe that was why no one approached Captain America; Steve doubted he seemed friendly in any shape or form.

Once the train reached his desired station, Steve bolted out of the subway car, through the crowds of people, out of the station, and once again into the streets of Manhattan. He slowed down, so as not to seem suspicious, even though someone bolting through the street of New York may not even cause New Yorkers to bat an eye, despite the lack of running clothes. Even still, his pace made a 10-minute walk a 5-minute walk. Finally, Steve reached his destination, 200 Park Avenue, Stark Tower (because even with the singular “A,” it’s still _Tony’s_ ).

Steve stood outside the oddly-shaped building for a moment, nearly shaking with expectation. This was it. He was finally going to see Tony again, alive. It had been barely a day since Steve Rogers saw a healthy, living Tony Stark. But still, it was too long. And now he was going to see him again. So he took a deep breath and headed towards his destination. Steve was glad that this Stark Tower also had a side entrance for authorized personnel. Luckily, as he was “Captain America,” the light lit up green after both pressing his hand to the scanning touchscreen on the side of the building and lowering himself to be level with the eye-scanning laser.

“Hello Captain Rogers,” JARVIS greeted. There was a millisecond of silence before realization dawned upon the AI. “Captain Rogers? But I’ve detected Captain Rogers to already be in the building. I must alert Si—“

“Override alpha-pizza-theta-Tesla-Jones. Take me to Tony Stark,” Steve said calmly, though he was anything but. This was a risk. This was a different world. With so much different, what was the likelihood that this one override code stays exactly the same?

The elevator doors finally closed. “Going up to Office Floor 67. Sir is in Conference Room 38.” It seems that this JARVIS would also not like Steve. Again, Steve didn’t care.

The elevator reached the 67th floor, and Steve marched towards Conference Room 38. Again, no one seemed to bat an eye at the supposed Avenger on their floor. Steve guessed that his alternate was a regular guest at the Tower.

Conference Room 38 was encased in glass, as all the rooms in the Tower were, but unlike many of the rooms in the Tower, the glass was seemingly fogged up. It must be an important meeting. Steve barged in anyway.

Steve through open the door of the conference room, and the only two individuals in said room looked up in surprise. Steve took a moment to observe that Steve Rogers was the other occupant of the room, but he charged forward regardless.

Steve used the shock of the two other people in the room to stride toward Tony and press a searing kiss onto the genius, again taking advantage of his surprise to slip his tongue into Tony’s pliant mouth. Tony must’ve been really surprised because, for a moment, he melted into Steve’s touch. Steve hoped to convey all of his passion, desire, and especially into this one kiss.

It seemed that Tony finally came to his senses because he pushed Steve away. In his periphery, Steve could see that his counterpart was still frozen with shock.

There was a beat of silence before Tony (obviously) broke it.

“What,” Tony started breathlessly (Steve was secretly smug about the impact that kiss had on Tony), “ _the actual fuck?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied. 2/3 of the second chapter was also done, so I just finished that and decided to post. I won't be able to post for at least a week and a half after that. I'm in my finals week right now which sucks, but it will be over soon. 
> 
> My favorite part was the very last line. I've known that's the way I was going to end this chapter since I started rewriting it. 
> 
> What's your favorite part? Let me know in the comments.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this about almost a year ago and didn't have the courage to post it. I only ever wrote this first chapter though. I found it and spruced it up a bit. 
> 
> This work is inspired by The Corrupt and the Pure by Del_Rion. Both involve a Dark Steve Rogers from an alternate universe doing whatever it takes to have Tony Stark by his side, but in my fic Commander Rogers is going to take a very different approach. 
> 
> Fic and chapter titles are Panic! At the Disco Lyrics.


End file.
